During a recent conversation with a close friend I've known for more than 18 years, she suddenly said: "It is so nice to talk to someone who does not drain the energy out of me."

The comment caught me a little off-guard since I did not know if it was meant as a compliment or not as we were just having a normal chat.

Seeing my reaction, she laughed and explained that it had been exhausting conversing with another friend of hers who was like an "energy vampire" because she always wanted the conversation to focus on her.

My friend added: "I would begin to tell her something that I experienced and she would immediately try to relate to my experience by making it all about her for the next 30 minutes."

Even though I chuckled as I listened to her rant, I couldn't help feeling like I've faced similar situations without being fully aware of them. Even the term "energy vampire" was alien to me until my friend explained it to me.

The term typically refers to people who intentionally or unintentionally drain your emotional energy, and thrive on soaking up the care and attention that you provide.

Two psychologists and one counsellor told TODAY that interactions with such individuals can be particularly toxic, especially when they often take more than they give, leaving you emotionally depleted.

This got me thinking how energy vampires can be just about anyone, including relatives or acquaintances we cannot avoid during Chinese New Year.

So how can we prevent being sucked dry emotionally by them?

IDENTIFYING AN ENERGY VAMPIRE

Mr Muhammad Haikal Jamil, founder and senior clinical psychologist at ImPossible Psychological Services, said that you can identify energy vampires from their tendency to dominate conversations, by consistently shifting the focus to themselves rather than others.

"These individuals often have ongoing dramatic situations in their lives and maintain a victim mentality, where they consistently see themselves as a victim of circumstances, and attribute their challenges to external factors rather than take personal responsibility."

Ms Priya Vijayan, a senior counsellor at Psychology Blossom, said that some traits of energy vampires include:

An enlarged ego

A tendency to exaggerate, whine and complain

A constant need for assurance

Resorting to emotional blackmailing

While they might sound similar to trauma dumpers, energy vampires are not to be confused with them.

Trauma dumping is defined as the unsolicited sharing of one's intense personal experiences and emotions in an overwhelming manner.

An energy vampire is someone who demands a significant amount of attention, wants your constant availability on their terms, and uses guilt as a manipulative tool.

DISENGAGING FROM ENERGY VAMPIRES DURING CNY

Ms Angelin Truscott, a counselling psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, said that to identify energy vampires during Chinese New Year gatherings, one might need to rely on past experiences.

This could be from remembering instances where you were in a one-sided conversation where the other party was always talking about themselves and their drama, or when you felt emotionally and physically tired after speaking with them.

For those of us who can already identify the energy vampires among our relatives, Mr Haikal of ImPossible Psychological Services recommends mentally preparing for the interaction and to set boundaries such as deciding how much time to spend with them.

He also recommends planning a schedule to allow breaks for time with other people, so as to gracefully and respectfully disengage when needed.

Ms Priya of Psychology Blossom suggests including others in the conversation.

"When there are more people around the energy vampires, their attention becomes divided between you and other people, which will limit the time you spend with the energy vampire.

"This also allows you to be able to observe how others interact with the energy vampire and you might be able to pick up new ideas on how to deal with them," she said.

Alternatively, Ms Priya also suggests setting a time limit of between 15 and 20 minutes to engage with an energy vampire, just to exchange greetings and have a short catch-up.

What if we cannot identify any energy vampire among people we are about to meet?

Or we get into a conversation with a stranger or an acquaintance with whom we have had few prior exchanges, only to see the red flags go up mid-conversation?

In situations like these, Ms Truscott said that food would be a safe distraction especially during Chinese New Year house visits.

Instead of rudely walking away, she suggested politely excusing ourselves from energy vampires.

This could involve saying things like: "I would really love to hear more but we better start eating before the food turns cold", or "I can't hear you continue now because I have been waiting for grandpa's cooking all year long".

Another way to disengage is to introduce a positive distraction.

Mr Haikal said that bringing up a positive and engaging topic may help to redirect the conversation and shift the focus away from negativity to make them feel valued.

"You may offer a genuine compliment or praise about something unrelated to the current topic, express interest in their hobbies, or seek their advice or opinion on a topic they are passionate about," he said.

Mr Haikal also said that having a friend or family member as a "wing-person" is also a good way to disengage as they can help create a diversion or include you in another conversation.

RECHARGING AFTER AN ENCOUNTER

It is always good to have something enjoyable or comforting to look forward to after an encounter with an energy vampire as it can serve as a powerful form of positive correction.

Mr Haikal said that the anticipation can help one to approach the encounter with greater resilience and a more positive mindset, making it easier to navigate or overcome the challenging situation.

Agreeing with this, Ms Priya explained that identifying and indulging in activities that boost positive energy can help you to regain your sense of self after engaging with an energy vampire.

"These activities can include taking a long bath, watching your favourite series, practising mindfulness or even doing low-intensity exercises such as walking."

Practising self-love is always a good idea as a way to cope following an encounter with an energy vampire, said Ms Truscott.

She suggested engaging in simple, enjoyable activities or making time for positive social engagements with people who appreciate and uplift you.

"Focus on the positives in your life — identify and practise gratitude and appreciation for people and things around you to escape the negativity."

Source:
courtesy of TODAY

by Today Online

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